A couple that farts together stays together?

January 20, 2017 HeyThere... Uncategorized
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Wingman Wisdom…

So….you’re out on a hot date.  Totally clicking over an enjoyable evening of wonderful food and even better company.  The conversation is flowing, sparks are flying and everything is going perfect. Then it happens!  Starting out with a little rumble in your tummy.  Followed by increasing abdominal discomfort.  Soon discomfort turns to hot flashes and your butt cheeks become fully clenched equaling the strength of a vice grip.  You are now on the verge of a ripping a major fart!  

The enjoyment of your date quickly turns into an anxiety riddled situation.  Your mind, no longer focused on the date, but rather running through a series of questions… Is it going to be loud?  Will it stink?  If I keep holding it in will it go away?  If I keep holding it in am I going to crap my pants???  You then excuse yourself from the table, clenched cheeks and all, swiftly scurrying to the restroom for a full release.  Ahhh….feels so good!  Fully relieved and collected, you head back to your date praying you got it all out.

The agony of our body’s need to excrete gas can be a major inconvenience.  Often times putting us in embarrassing predicaments like when on a date!  The ill timed fart can be one of the biggest nuisances of dating.  Burdened with so many unnecessary pressures as is, the pesky fart just adds another dimension of pain.  We agonize over things like…   Where to go on the first date?  Are they interested?  Should I move in for a kiss?  Are we now exclusive?  But no instance of dating is more pressure packed than knowing when to let the first flatulence fly.

The Early Stages Of Dating

The earlier the stage of dating the harder it is to be free flowing with certain bodily excretions.  Saliva, yes!  Gas, a huge NO!  FB Singles Group Member Cheryl writes:  “Never on a date and I’d excuse myself and hope he’d do the same.”  Most everyone would agree with this sentiment.  First dates are also our first impressions and no one wants to ruin it with a stink bomb.  Ladies and Gents alike do their best to hold in the gas to avoid embarrassment.  After all, we are trying to portray ourselves as sexy and desirable.  Farts are most certainly funny but never referred to as sexy.  So do your best to avoid releasing nature’s fury when in the company of a potential romantic connection.  

To minimize the risk of a gas leak while on a date try these Wingman Tips…

  1. Avoid gas inducing foods!  Everyone has a good grasp of what foods are more likely to cause gas.  Know your body and eat accordingly prior to your date.
  2. Antacids are good!  If you know you have a nervous or upset tummy ahead of time, try popping a couple of antacids to calm the juices from producing any toxic fumes.  They also reduce stomach bloat.  
  3. Ease up on the sweets before meeting your sweetheart!  Apparently there is a direct link between sugar consumption and greater need for releasing gas.  If you want to reduce the potential for gas then cut back on the sweet treats.

If by chance passing gas is completely unavoidable then just let loose.  Don’t put yourself through unnecessary pain and or discomfort.  Especially don’t put your health at risk.  Flatulence is a part of life for all.  Little known factoid here worth noting: Both ladies and gents all fart!

The Relationship Phase

Once courtship has moved past the early stages, progressing to some level of a committed relationship, farting will become a regular occurrence.   One of our female members of our FB Singles Group wrote in saying “If you date me, I’m like a guy with that stuff. I am really not prim and proper about it (at least not in private). I have done Dutch Ovens.”  Dutch Ovens excluded, the passing of gas will happen by both partners sooner or later.  Despite being totally normal, the first fart can be the toughest to squeak out.   Another of our members Dawn said it best.. “Farting is hysterical! Some men find it disgusting if a woman farts – not sure why that is. All of us are human. Regardless …in the past…the silent & deadly ones are easier to make a joke of. I guess if it slips out – so be it.”  

When breaking the ice for breaking wind keep these Wingman Tips in mind…

  1. Make a joke of it!  Adding humor is a great way to make light of an otherwise awkward situation.  By acknowledging the proverbial elephant in the room with a form of jest you ease all the tension making it easier for both you and your partner to let rip in the future.  
  2. Pardon yourself!  If you or your partner are all prim and proper then just do your best to excuse yourself.  Go to a more private area and let it out.  If one happens to accidentally sneak out then just apologize and move on.  
  3. Be preemptive!  Bring up farts in a casual conversation.  Tell a story about someone at work or a friend passing gas.  Takes the edge off and opens up the inevitability that both of you will eventually bust ass.  

Whatever you do avoid making yourself sick by holding it in too long!  One of our FB Group friends had this bad experience to share…”I almost got sick while dating this guy who thought it was unladylike! Imagine holding it all in while spending a weekend together. I promised myself I’d never date a guy ever again who made me feel uncomfortable about my body or my bodily functions! Life is too short to have your stomach in knots…. i prefer guys who think farts are funny.”  So true!  When you are with the right person they will make you feel comfortable in any situation.  In fact some guys even prefer a woman that is confident in ripping a juicy fart.   Like our friend Brian…”Word….. I’d whip out a diamond ring if she asked me to pull her finger.”   It’s one of life’s little embarrassing things we all do.  It’s completely unavoidable.  The best way to overcome the embarrassment is to be confident in yourself and your relationship.  A couple that can fart together will stay together!  

The Hey There… Wingman 😉

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