Recently a really good question about a very common issue for many online daters was asked in the Hey There New England Singles Group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/heytherenewenglandsingles/)
Donn: ”How many times have y’all been on a few dates everything seems great then bam! They flip a switch and are like a completely different person…. Just be real from the start!! I can’t stand that sh@#. I will leave regardless because to me you played me!”
Unfortunately for our friend Donn, he experienced the online dating bait and switch. Everything is going well for a hot minute then suddenly everything changes drastically. That amazing person you were all excited for turns out to be someone totally different. Did you just meet Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde? The truth is that online dating makes it very challenging to just be yourself.
The goal of every online dater is to advertise themselves as a great catch. In this attempt to portray themselves in the best possible light, the tendency is to create a profile based on what we think other people find attractive. Creating false identities and personas online is extremely easy to do. A person can pretend to be anyone they want to be. The most common fabrications online daters make are personality, physical appearance, careers, and financial status. Use the right “bait” and attract that trophy fish. Every exaggeration is in an attempt to become the most desirable candidate on the market. White lies in regards to height and weight are usually forgiving by most. But when it comes to personality and character not so much!
Most people are not blessed with the necessary acting skills to keep up with their fabrications. Sooner or later the switch happens revealing their true self. It totally catches you off guard leaving you ask… Am I talking to the same person? What the hell just happened?
The switch happens quickly. Just like what happened with our friend Jenn from the group.
Jenn: “I had that happen recently with someone. He came back from his business trip in LA and was a completely different person then I had been led to believe.”
No one likes to be led on. It hurts! It’s a total waste of time and energy! Worst of all, it makes it difficult to not be guarded in the future! Is it so hard to just be yourself?
Creating a false persona is easy. Keeping that persona up is the hard part. The best remedy here is to just be yourself at all costs. People appreciate REAL! Our friend Donn from the group said it best…”just be real from the start!” You may think people want a certain type of person but reality is people appreciate honesty and realness more than anything.
Before hopping back on your favorite dating app. Take a few moments to ask yourself these 2 questions.
Am I truly being myself? Remember, we are all unique in our own ways. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you are not. Anyone deserving of your time and company will appreciate you for you are, not for who you pretend to be. And do you really want to keep up a fake profile in real life for who knows how long? No.. so don’t do it to start with.
Am I being completely honest with prospective candidates? Make sure all the info you add to your profile is legit. No one wants to find out later on that you lied about your love for animals. Make sure that your intentions are realistic. If you are looking for a hookup don’t lie and say you want a long-term thing. Better to be candid about yourself in all ways! Makes it much easier to find someone that you will be compatible with.
Keep in mind these 3 tips for success!
1. Keep one eye open, one eye closed. Being a little guarded is ok and can spare you from some unnecessary hurt. Always keep one eye open to be able to pick out the deceptive candidates. But you also need to keep one eye closed to be able to take chances in order to find the “one! You never know who’s going to walk around that corner next.
2. Ask friends to help out. It’s always a good idea to have an extra set of eyes looking out for you. Friends are more likely to keep it real and call BS. They can also keep us honest in what we say about ourselves.
3. Most importantly just be real from the start! When you can truly be yourself around someone then you know you found the perfect match 🙂
The Hey There… Wingman