Wingman wisdom… Make the first date a first meet!
It’s a match! Everything has clicked and you are ready to transition from the digital world into the real one. The pressure is on to figure out the where, when and what to do! Planning the first date is challenging! Especially when you are moving from online to off. You really don’t know all that much about the person. I mean come on…how much insight can you really have from a weeks worth of sharing photos, texts and maybe even a brief phone call. With so little insight into your “match” how the hell do you plan a great first date? In my expert wingman opinion, you don’t! Don’t even think about it till after the first meet!
Changing “date” to “meet”!
It’s estimated that online daters spends on average $20k on dating related expenses within a five year span. Now imagine how much time and effort is also exhausted! Whoa, Right! Unfortunately, the modern digital dating scene is really tough. It’s riddled with fakes, scammers, and ill-intentioned folks misrepresenting themselves in all ways. This often leads to one bad date after another. Ultimately leading to a great amount of disappointment! So, what’s the best way to take your connection offline?
After years of experience I found a very simple and effective solution; the “first meet” rule! This simple rule will change your entire dating experience! First, simply substitute “meet” for “date.” This immediately lowers expectations to a more reasonable level. Next, change your mind set to be more connection focused. Think of it like this… before you can make a real first date doesn’t it make sense to see if there is an in-person connection! Finally, get rid of all the pressure! The connotation of “date” is so damn rigid and formal. So to alleviate all pressure it’s best to simplify the first get together entirely.
Every “first meet” should be casual, simple, and light. This allows for both parties to be me comfortable and to just be yourselves. To really make your “first meets” great follow these simple rules…
Wingman Tips Rules
- Keep it casual! You are not walking down the aisle just yet in a tux or gown. It’s just a first meeting and no need for unnecessary pressures. For example make plans to meet up at low key coffee shop where you can spend some time chatting. Yes, it is a bit cliche. However it is a highly effective! A huge plus here – it’s much easier to leave a bad first meet than an extravagant dinner date.
- Set a maximum time! Keep the meeting to an hour max. Mention this prior to meeting so that there is no misunderstanding. An hour is ample time to make a first impression and to know if the potential exists for a future romantic connection. Best perk is this minimizes the max time on bad first meets.
- No pressure mindset! Knowing you are only meeting the person versus having a date should remove all unnecessary pressures. This makes it easier for you to just be yourself and enjoy the time getting to know one another. Maybe you will find a new friend or maybe it’s time to plan a romantic date. Just go with what feels right!
There are couple primary benefits to “first meet” rule. First, if there is no connection it’s super easy to move past all negative experiences. Most important, if you do hit it off, it is a lot more fun and easier to plan a romantic first date.
My Personal Experience
This advice comes directly from my own personal experiences. During the time I was creating hey there… dating app I was very active on the dating scene. Date after date without any romantic connection. I was getting extremely frustrated with lack of results. So much so that I began questioning online dating all together. I knew I had to do something to make it into the fun experience it was intended to be. So I created the “first meet” rule! It immediately had a profound effect on my dating life. I started having fun meeting people again. I was less concerned about results and more happy to have the opportunity to meet new people. I made many new friends as a result. Ultimately, I ended up meeting one amazing woman! It all started with a simple meet up over a coffee at Starbucks. We instantly hit it off and couldn’t wait to see each other again. We planned a romantic date soon there after. Many dates later we are still together and looking forward to a future together. We often look back at our first meeting and try to encourage others to take the same positive approach we had that day. No pressure, carefree, and just enjoying the opportunity to meet someone new with the potential for romantic connection. There is an old saying that goes something like… “it’s not where you are that matters but rather who you’re with that does.” In essence that is the meaning of the “first meet!” Dating can be so damn complicated. In my opinion there is no need to make it even more complicated with unnecessary pressures of grandiose first dates. The connection is with the who ….not the where, when, or what!